It takes a village - to parent a child

The beauty of working in teams in our sector is plentiful:

• Connection. We get to form relationships and have people contact throughout our days. 

• Inspiration. We can work with people who have different ideas, strengths, opinions and approaches than us, and catch the ripples of the 'good bits’ we admire and would like to embed in our own ways. 

• Sharing the load. (Physical and emotional). We can share responsibilities, rather than feeling we hold a whole weight on our own. We can play to our strengths, and allow others to shine in theirs. We don’t have to do it all or be it all. (Phew). 

These are of benefit to us, but we also know that the children serve get the same - they connect with a range of people, soak up their ways of being, their strengths and skills, and also have adults with them who feel supported by those around them. (Remember how it’s hard to pour from an empty cup). 

If this is true for children during their days in our settings, wouldn’t this be the same for them outside of these hours? And wouldn’t it be beneficial for the adults who care for them away from our settings to also have connection, inspiration, and a sharing of the load? Yes, and yes. And isn’t this where the popular saying, “It takes a village”, comes into play? 

These days, the ‘village’ tends to be mentioned more when talking about the absence of it. So many of the families we all serve are acutely aware that this ‘village’ they are told is necessary to raise their child is very lacking. They may be separated from family, not familiar with their neighbours, and be so busy with the demands of juggling work and family life, that they aren’t easily building or maintaining friendships.

The ‘village’ tends to be painted now as ‘nice to have’ (perhaps because it’s not the norm), but really, parents raising children very much on their own feel very isolated. And children, while they are still getting a ton of love from their parents, are getting the influence of just a select few people, rather than a variety of people from different generations, or with different kinds of minds, or interests, and even energies for the child. It’s family, or family plus a few, but not a full-blown village. And there’s no doubt that while families don’t want ‘interference’ in some aspects of their lives, they would feel more connected, inspired, and like it if there were ‘more hands on deck’ giving them more support in the incredibly important (and tiring, and fulfilling, and challenging) role of raising a child. 

It’s true our families have our setting. And, it’s up to us if it’s a place to leave their children or if it’s an actual place of partnership. If we recognise (and value) the parents’ essential role as first teachers but also be willing to listen, give information, hold our judgments and just offer some plain old kindness, we go a long way to them feeling we’re part of their child-raising-team. But also…if we value ‘the village’,  we can do more.

We can recognise that lack of connection is harmful to well-being and foster opportunities that combat this: connecting our families with each other, opening our spaces, pointing out some common interests to bond over, and tangible ways that our parent community can be each others’ village. Even having another parent to put down as an emergency contact can feel like, “ah, I have someone”, rather than worrying there is no one close by to ever call on when needed! (So-called small things can feel like big things, after all). 

We can also link our families with the local and wider community - what’s out there, where can they go and meet people, find answers to concerns, share interests or skills with others, and simply connect. Yes, as a whole - offering broad information, but also as a match-maker, looking at the individual families and giving tailored details. 

Humans are hard-wired for connection. Becoming parents doesn’t change that - in fact, it likely amplifies that need to not feel alone, to share our worries, and to be lifted by others. ‘The village’ may not be what it was, but it doesn’t entirely need to be something of the past. We can support our families, and encourage them to reach out and find their own ‘team’ to do this vital ‘work’ with, and find the beauty in this sense of togetherness.