A beautiful place for adults - without draining the team

A heart-centred culture and team should be more than a ‘wishlist’ item, but something we are actively striving to build and maintain. A beautiful place for children has to also be a beautiful place for adults.

One thing we’ve spoken often about is the need for our team to feel they can bring their ‘whole selves’ to work, to be able to speak up if they’re having a hard time, and to have a team who cares for each other far more than they judge each other. That’s absolutely true, and yet two things can be true at the same time, and there will be times when that is taken too far and professional boundaries are needed. Being kind, and being heart-centred as a team, or as leaders, doesn’t mean that if someone is oversharing inappropriate personal information, constantly bringing the vibe down, skipping meetings, being late, and not contributing we just ‘let it go’. This isn’t the same as someone having a ‘blip’ in their usual mood, or having a time when they say I can’t do this right now, but instead, I’ll do such and such. We’re talking about the person who rather than leaving any part of themselves at the door of our setting, is bringing it all in, strewing it around for others to have to wade through, and making no attempt to do anything with the ‘debris’. That’s not fair and it drains the team. And it’s not an act of kindness on our part to turn a blind eye. 

If we’re a naturally caring person, we can want to help this person and end up taking on their struggles ourselves. Or we make allowances to the detriment of the rest of the team, the children, and the setting. Or we ‘wait it out’, thinking it’s just a rough patch but the time frame just stretches. We want to stay heart-centred, and any response that doesn’t feel fully caring feels like we are being ‘hard’. However, again two things can be true: we can be heart centred and we can create boundaries if someone is playing the ‘heart card’ too easily or too often.  

Boundaries don’t dismiss the team member’s struggle, but put the focus on the work at hand, and clarify the intentions and expectations for being in this ‘job’, and in our space. It’s so important when this ‘job’ isn’t just preparing an environment, or making sure paperwork is done - it is first and foremost about relationships, and this needs people coming in with the right ‘head space’ and ‘heart space’ to do so. All of us ride a wave of life’s wee hiccups and these can be absorbed into our team when we’re all mindful that the scales are weighted far more lightly on these times, and far heavier on the high-contribution, positive-manner times. The team members who tip that balance and/or have no regard for how the scales fall can influence the whole team. Resentments build, morale dips and connections fray. We get the toxicities we are trying to avoid. 

It is not unkind to let someone know they are affecting the team. Not when it is done appropriately - in private, and with understanding, empathy, and support. It isn’t ‘un-heart-like’ to follow that up if nothing has changed, and to again state expectations. Heart-centred isn’t an ‘anything goes’, or an invitation to be ‘walked over’ as a leader. We could say it this way - being clear with our team IS kind. Holding a vision for relationships and holding each other to it IS kind - to each other, the children we serve, and the beautiful place we are creating.