Today I've read things about Meghan, Duchess of Sussex, "not being OK" in these months postpartum and I'm feeling really disappointed.
Yes, she's now royalty, and yes I'm sure she does know she has a castle, but how do these things make her immune to the experiences new mums face? Why is she not allowed to not be OK?' Each thing I read that mocks her right to feel anything but #blessed makes me sad.
If we have a heart for mothers that heart needs to extend to ALL mothers. Who are we to judge who is' allowed' to feel sad, lonely, overwhelmed, out of their depth or any of the other complex emotions that come with new motherhood?
And what's worse are the comparisons to her sister-in-law. If Meghan feels anything like the rest of us, (which I believe she does, staff and all, castle and all) she is probably making these comparisons herself. She does not need the rest of us judging her too, saying whether she measures up, and who is coping 'better'? Honestly, where is our heart?
We're not all fans of the royals, I know that. But I truly believe that we should be fans of all mothers. And women should be cheering other women on, not tearing them down. Even those who have more money than us, or have circumstances we deem as more privileged.
And in fact, if we go down that route of thinking, of only how Meghan differs from us 'ordinary folk' it probably is a little easier to criticise because we're not even trying to identify with her. Instead we've put a wall up that divides her and us, and have decided, even unconsciously, that struggling is only OK on our side of that wall. And that's not right. That's not the heart way.
The heart way is about empathy, looking for where we CAN relate to another, realising that our shared human-ness unites us more than our differences should separate us. The heart way knows that ANYONE is allowed to feel exactly as they are feeling. We don't have a right to say no you can't. Even to someone married to a Prince.
- Tessa